/ysg/ - Cynic Corner

Latest Chapter 1 rolls while proofreading again… I wonder how beefy Liedna can get in this demo if you savescum.

>>70
Nyeheh…
If the translation was something I was being officially paid to turn in, I definitely would've gone with "Mementos" there, as that carries that perfect twinge of death, nostalgia, loss while being memory focused.

But, since this was a private personal project, using 'Juju' for 呪物 felt too funny of a coincidence to overlook. They front-rhyme and everything!
Fellow Homestuck fans might awkwaaard at this, but it'll be a secret awkwaaard handshake.

I read chapter 1 and you didn't lie, it was heartfelt. A problem I have with most eroge is that if the story succeeds in making me care about the characters, I don't suddenly want to see them having sex or worse. This author seems to be aiming for that on purpose, so it's definitely not for me. I wouldn't say the story was worthwhile on its own since it's basically slice of life with nothing going on, with the thing that's supposed to keep the audience engaged being their expectation that the plot will eventually degenerate into porn. That said, I did enjoy what I read, laughed a few times, and cared about the protagonists, I assume this is top percentile writing by the standards of RPG Maker pornslop. At least it added context for some of the stickers.

The Hime part was cheap though, I assumed she was going to be a main character or something, to do that halfway through introducing her character was a surprise that made me immediately stop caring about her. She was exploited for the sake of the plot similar to how the other characters are sexually exploited. I think it could have worked better if Hime's fate was foreshadowed. I assume this game is unpopular because "who was the target audience", people who are just there to jerk off won't want to read all the text, and people interested in the story won't appreciate the fanservice shoehorned into the plot.

Wasn't always paying close attention and fast forwarded some parts but mistakes I noticed:
- Not entirely sure but I believe there was "As as" near the beginning, I don't have a screenshot
https://files.catbox.moe/h5kgug.png - missing period
https://files.catbox.moe/cypen8.png - I think "exact" is more correct here
https://files.catbox.moe/4p5lng.png - "we" capitalised
https://files.catbox.moe/vuagwx.png - "out chat"
https://files.catbox.moe/Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>82
>>82

Excellent, this is it! You even did the side stories, it looks like!
"What has MoM ever done for me lately?"

Very glad could at least somewhat enjoy your time with the MacVell family. Given what they go through later, I replay those happy days at the start from time to time…

>"who was the target audience"
While the following is decent in Japan (45k dlsite followers), you're exactly right. A potential reader needs to have this very particular mix of cheap free time, idealism, and perversity to get invested… Limiting things to very strange people.
I'd love to simply write the author, Kashiwagi Manuri, off as a cynic only setting things up for a stronger shamewank later, but there's no way he could dedicate that much attention and effort into the world if it was all mere set dressing… I think he's actually some kind of embittered romantic that buries his sappiness under an NTR irony shield.

I'll tell you that chapter 2 only has a couple ctrl-skippable h-scenes (masturbation related) if you wanted to play a bit further to see the establishment of the game's plot…
But I appreciate enough of that you held your nose to see chapter one to the end. Especially if porn games aren't your cup of tea.

Now to get to amending those mistakes (and deleting the links so nobody else can see my shame…)

https://ci-en.dlsite.com/creator/3262/article/1332465

It's rather brief for a Manuri-post, eh? I feel bad for him, If he really can't even sit in a chair for an hour at a span. Hope my body always stays alright…

>>79
Yes, it is that long.

And 10 hours is a prety conservative estimate imo, especially if you're like me and make sure to check in with every NPC around town for updated dialog snippets.

Feel free going at your own pace, megidochan approves.

>>80
>And 10 hours is a prety conservative estimate imo, especially if you're like me and make sure to check in with every NPC around town for updated dialog snippets.
that's pretty crazy for a demo. how many chapters are in the demo? I'm sure it doesn't help that I tend to read a lot slower in japanese, either…

I already mined a few terms/readings from playing a bit of the intro, so that's nice.
>Feel free going at your own pace
well, I appreciate it. I may read a bit more to get a taste, and then hold off until the aforementioned personal circumstances change

>>81
4 chapters. The first two are probably the larger part of the game by volume, but chapter 3 can drag with all of its 20 MINUTE SCENES ABOUT PEEING ON STUFF

>>84
>all of its 20 MINUTE SCENES ABOUT PEEING ON STUFF
…I see.


well, I suppose the end of chapter one would be a good breaking point to decide whether or not to continue, once I get around to it

I renamed the stylesheet, so let's bring it back with this progress update.
Soon!
By October, certainly?

It arrived!
Can't help the cheapo phone quality 😌

>>33
Loose human(?) hair in pic 3, how mortifying